


you're taking my air (i can't breathe without you)

by LittleMissSketch



Series: pull the air from my lungs (no one will miss me but you) [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Physical Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, What Have I Done, rape is not on-screen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 05:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16947654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissSketch/pseuds/LittleMissSketch
Summary: Jeremy Heere is slightly more anxious, less good at quick-thinking; and everything falls apart.





	you're taking my air (i can't breathe without you)

**Author's Note:**

> i most definitely missed tags so please be careful. i wrote this all in one sitting and did not edit it.

Jeremy Heere had made a lot of mistakes in his, relatively short, sixteen years.

Like, all the times at role-call that he answered with ‘here’ and the teacher got confused.

Like, when he got overly anxious in class and had to interrupt a lesson to go to the bathroom and _everyone stared at him as he left._

Like, when he took a supercomputer inside of a pill to make him cooler. And it worked well. Too well.

_Everything about you is so terrible._

_Everything about you makes me want to die._

_Don’t resist._

_You will be more chill._

* * *

 

_Everything about you is so terrible!_

_Everything about you sucks!_

_Everyone in the mall thinks your a slob!_

_But, if you listen to me… you’ll be… more chill._

* * *

 

_“Repeat after me, I saw it in the window and I couldn’t dismiss!”_

“I saw it in the window and I couldn’t dismiss it!” Jeremy reasoned to the two popular girls in front of him. They had caught him in the women’s section on accident.

_“I was dating a girl and she had a shirt just like this!”_

“I was dating a girl, and she had a shirt just like _this!”_ He pointed towards the shirt in his hands. He, personally, doubted it’d work, but he’s nowhere near as smart as a supercomputer. He’d probably just let it do its job and not interfere.

_“It’s still painful!”_

“It’s… still… painful…” He stuttered out, staring at the girls.

* * *

 

“Do you want a ride home?” One of the girls asked, leaning over her (mother’s??) van.

“O-oh no thanks! My friend Micheal promised to drive me home. Thanks for the offer, though!” He waved them off as they drove away.

 _“You’re an idiot.”_ His SQUIP—Super Quantum Intel Processor—grumbled at him. _“Micheal has already left the mall.”_

Jeremy flinched, Micheal had left without him? “... oh.”

 _“You don’t get a choice in this, Jeremy.”_ His SQUIP—currently showing himself as Keanu Reeves—cooed at him as an owner would their puppy. _“I tell you what to do, and you obey.”_

His SQUIP placed his hand in Jeremy’s hair, petting him. _“There’s no choice, Jeremy.”_ It was still petting him, making it seem like he was telling him something casual instead of _this._

_“You chose to let me into your body, Jeremy. This was all your decision.”_

* * *

 

 _“Jeremy, it’s time to wake up.”_ His SQUIP curled his fingers in Jeremy’s hair, playing with the messy morning hair.

Jeremy turned over, groaning. “Mmm, but it’s a Saturday…”

The SQUIP tightened his grip in the boys hair, causing him to wince. It pulled harder on his hair, just for the hell of it. _“Get. Up.”_

Even through pain and threats, a teenager would prevail in trying to sleep in on the weekend.

“Nngh, in a bit,” he grumbled out, trying to fall asleep in the awkward position; His SQUIP holding up his head while the rest of his body was flat on his bed.

 _“It’s not going to be ‘a bit’, Jeremy. I’m in your brain; you can’t lie to me.”_ Jeremy didn’t move, seeming asleep. _“So, you want to be difficult? Okay.”_

A sharp tingling began in his spine, creeping along his blood stream into his arms and legs. He tried to open his mouth to scream, but nothing came out.

 _“Can’t have you getting your father worried, can we?”_ It had shut off his vocal chords! _“It? That’s rude, Jeremy! In your day and age don’t they accept all genders?”_

Jeremy internally stuttered for an answer, while shaking from the minor shocks running through his back. His spine was arching, making his body look like he was bowing before his SQUIP.

The monster smiled, _“Good boy.”_

* * *

 

His SQUIP had forced him to go to this Halloween party. He was wearing a hoodie that had pac-man on it; though he felt underdressed surrounded by people in complex costumes totally unlike his hoodie.

But, the best thing of all?

_His SQUIP was wearing a costume._

_It was dressed as Neo from The Matrix. It was perfection._

It had a coat on, the pure black fading it into the background easily. The coat had a short cape that fell to its ankles. There were black pants as well, but they were uncomfortable in the black hole of its costume.

The best part, though, was that it was wearing _dark sunglasses._

 _“Stop making fun of me internally,”_ a long, drawn-out shock played over his back. He drew in a breath, it still hurt a lot but he was getting used to it.

 _“Let’s get on task,”_ His SQUIP still hadn’t turned off the shocks. _“I’m going to keep that on, and keep_ upping _it until you learn: I’m in control, not you.”_

 _But I’m the host?_ Jeremy asked internally, the pain went from a light sting to a cat scratch. He winced, that was a mistake.

 _“On task,”_ It reminded him. “Brooke will be here, entertain her.” That was… vague…

And… up the pain went. From almost bearable to ‘definitely can’t take for a full party’.

Before he could sass his SQUIP—which honestly is an oxymoron, he does not sass the SQUIP; the SQUIP mortally wounded his emotional abilities and he would try to cry but would be unable to—Brooke showed up, like it said she would.

“Oh, hi, Brooke!” Jeremy awkwardly started, though his SQUIP stayed silent and his pain did not get worse.

“You didn’t answer my text messages!” Brooke stated, with a pout on her hips. Her blue eyes narrowed up at him.

He looked away from her, at her blonde hair—in a bun—and at her—wow—dog costume.

It was… revealing… a lot of cleavage.

“Oh!” Brooke smiled, “do you like my costume? A lot of people go as sexy cats, so I decided to be a _sexy dog.”_

“Oh, um, cool,” Jeremy numbly responded. _Cleavage—showing—Jeremy.exe has stopped responding._

Brooke wilted under the less than stellar praise. “Oh…”

Jeremy, realizing his mistake, fixed it. “I meant that it looks amazing! You’re really beautiful, Brooke!”

“Oh! Thank you so much, Jeremy!”

* * *

 

He had thought he’d have a nice time, but that was before he was grabbed by Chloe.

She pulled him into an empty room, making the pain in his back flare up.

“Hey, Jerrie!” She purred, obviously drunk. Chloe laid herself across his chest, before dragging him over to the bed. “Mm, I’m gonna do so many things to you, boy.”

“Wh-what?” He tried to move away from her, but couldn’t move.

_“You’re welcome.”_

“Do you want to stop?” She asked, reaching for him already.

 _No. No I don’t._ He tried to say, but his mouth would move. _Please, please don’t make me do this!_

“Do you want me to stop?” She continued to ask as she reached.

He couldn’t answer.

_No. Nononononono._

* * *

 

Chloe Valentine had raped him.

 _“No, she didn’t,”_ His SQUIP reminded him. _“You just didn’t voice your consent.”_

His breathing sped up, _oh god._

_“Stop hyperventilating, it’s unneeded and won’t help.”_

His breathes only got faster.

His SQUIP looked annoyed, _“Fine, I guess I have to do this.”_ His SQUIP snapped his fingers.

He couldn’t breathe. His body was screaming at him, but he _couldn’t breathe._

 _“This should be a lesson to you.”_ His SQUIP grabbed his hair, angling him to face it by pulling his hair. _“Always listen to my commands.”_

* * *

 

_His shoulder ached, making him uncomfortable during school._

_It was inconvenient._

* * *

 

The play was starting.

Jeremy’s eyes felt heavy, he wouldn’t be able to sleep if his SQUIP didn’t have full control of his body.

He looked over at the Pansy Serum, filled as it was with Mountain Dew and SQUIPs. He sighed, seeing all the actors being better with their SQUIPs.

He saw Chloe.

 _She didn’t remember_ raping _him._

He closed his eyes. 

* * *

 

He was so tired.

Everyone was SQUIPed, but he was just… _tired._

Someone tapped his shoulder, startling him.

“... Michael?”

Michael looked… sad. “Yeah, buddy.”

_“Turn away from him, and leave him to someone else.”_

“You okay?” Michael stopped himself, “nah, that’s a bad question.”

Jeremy stayed silent, dead eyes piercing Michael’s heart.

“Drink this.”

_“No!”_

He drank it.

* * *

 

It burned.

It burned him inside and out, cleansing him from the pure sin of the monstrosity inside of him.

It burned, but not as bad as the feeling of being inside someone.

* * *

 

He screamed.

But so did all the rest of the theatre kids.

* * *

 

He woke up in the hospital.

Rich was beside him, though he was quiet.

“Are you… okay, Jeremy?” Rich asked, quiet for the first time in his life.

He stayed silent. His throat felt tense. His SQUIP must be stopping him from talking again.

“Jeremy?”

“... You know that headphones kid?” After no response Rich continued. “Well, he’s been coming in here _a lot._ He seems really worried about you, you have a good friend in him, Jeremy.”

“I hope you’ll open up to him.”

* * *

 

He didn’t end up opening up to Michael, not about everything.

“... Chloe Valentine raped me.”

Michael reacted appropriately, by trying to kill Chloe.

Jeremy chuckled.

* * *

 

_“You’ll never be free of me, Jeremy.”_

“I know.”


End file.
